it's not you I was searching for, it's only me

I was driving and listening to the song above when the last few lines caught my ear. It’s one of those songs that start out about one thing and then suddenly becomes about something else. At first I was confused by the song. And then I got it. The words made me think how people sometimes idealize and stay in a relationship that’s not right for them because it’s easier than being alone. And how these same people will search continuously for themselves in someone else before they realize their self isn't there. The elusive happiness they seek isn't in another.

An old song says 1 is the loneliest number but is that really true? No one wants to be alone but isn't it lonelier to be in a relationship with someone and still feel alone? To be a 2 but feel like a 1? Isn't it better to be happy as 1 first? I think so. I like the part in this song when this realization becomes clear.

Princess on the Porch
Josh Rouse

I searched for you but you were nowhere to be found
A coastal state and all I stood on was frozen ground
And now I found you, it's been three months to the day
Oh and baby it's so good to see you, how I missed your face

The bedroom light was on as you waltzed off thru the hall
My hands were shaking, it was like I never knew you at all
You move so slowly, with such eloquence and grace
Oh and baby it's so good to see you, how I missed your face
Oh baby, it's so good to see you, how I missed your face

Princess on the porch as I waited for the flood
Gave you all the love I could, I gave you all that I should
And now you tell me you are dying to be free
Oh baby it's so good to see you, why'd you have to leave?
Oh baby it's so good to see you, why'd you have to leave?

I walked out to my car, in my pocket that's where I found the key
I turned around to see you staring right back at me
That's when I realized how you are and how we'll never be
Oh baby, it's not you I was searching for, it's only me
Oh baby, it's not you I was searching for, it's only me
Oh baby, it's not you I was searching for, it's only
it's only me

Oh baby, it's not you I was searching for, it's only me.