How do you know when it’s time?

My veterinarian and others say when it’s time I’ll know. But how will I know? This nagging thought plays through my mind more and more these days as Daisy's health steadily declines. Important decisions can be difficult to make when you see life more in black and white than shades of gray. The question of euthanizing a beloved pet is very much a gray area to me and I feel torn between wanting Daisy to live life yet not wanting her to live a life that’s becoming harder for her each day. I’ve done my research and read online the signs of when it’s time to say goodbye to your pet but it doesn’t really sink in. It feels too personal and I can’t yet see the forest through the trees. They say to look at your pet as a stranger would see them. I’ve done that and it’s upsetting when I catch a glimpse of how thin and frail my Daisy has become. They say look into her eyes. I’ve done that too and it shames me to say that deep down I can see her eyes telling me she’s done, she’s had enough. Still I wonder if I know this for certain. It’s confusing to me when Daisy's able to go outside on her own, walk to her water bowl on her own, even sometimes still get up in the bay window and watch for me to come home. It’s confusing when she won’t eat and stares miserably at the floor yet wags her tail and seems happy when I reach down to pet her. It’s confusing when I pet her and she shakes and quietly whimpers yet still has the strength to get up and follow me from room to room. I tell myself I’m not sure, even though I know Daisy is not the same. She’s not the dog I remember, the one full of vim and vigor, barking, grumbling, running, jumping, climbing the apple tree in the backyard, clamoring for attention, gobbling her food, snatching bread or whatever else she can paw off the table. She’s leaving this world and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it. The hardest part may be in knowing if I make the decision to euthanize Daisy I will be responsible for ending her life. Though I know for her sake I have to change this skewered way of thinking. I have to understand that sometimes the hardest part is doing nothing and the truly loving thing would be to help her find the tranquility she deserves. Hopefully when her time comes my sweet girl will pass peacefully in her sleep, but if that doesn't happen and I have to assist her, I will. I won't wait too long and have her look at me one day and wonder why I'm letting her suffer, wonder if I don't care enough to help her. I want her to know how much I love her and what a good and unique dog I think she is. And I want her to trust that I won’t let her down and that when I know it’s time I'll be there to see her through.

Daisy with thoughts of bread snatching on her mind (3-20-99)