Friday, March 26, 2010

Thanks Uncle Conrad

My Uncle Conrad is one of my dad’s (if I’m not mistaken) nine brothers. He is also what I consider to be our family’s leading historian and I would like to thank him dearly for that. Every family reunion, year after year, would find him with video camera in hand. You couldn’t escape Uncle Conrad. Whether you wanted to be videotaped or not…you were. He filmed everything but it wasn’t just images and motion on film he captured, it was much more. With his narration and ongoing comments he allowed us to understand and have an everlasting view into a loved ones soul. Recently I had the opportunity to see for myself some of his videotapes and words cannot express what it's meant to me personally to see my dad’s smile and hear his voice once again. Knowing that I’ll always have moments of my dad’s life on film is very comforting. Shortly after his passing my sister told me that she feared as time went on we would forget the little things about dad, important every day things that made him who he was to us. I understood that fear because no matter how much you love someone time does have a cruel way of fading and dimming treasured memories. Thanks to my dear uncle’s consistent devotion to documenting our family history, I don’t worry about that as much anymore. I’ve finally realized that the pictures and film taken in life are our way of keeping loved ones alive. They are our legacy to be passed down generation after generation keeping our own essence here long after we’re gone. I think my Uncle Conrad has always realized that. Thanks Unc Con :)

I took this snapshot of my uncle in Cobden, IL - February 2010

Below is a lil' clip of one of his old movies. For more, click "OLD MOVIES Room" on right sidebar.


Visiting grandpa and grandma in the country – 1964
aunts, uncles, cousins, etc (little blonde girl in the black coat is me)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I love Jimmy Stewart

...and I love this poem. :*(

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It's a Boy! (I always did like puppy dog tails) :)

Sweet Baby Blue - It’s a boy! It’ll be a while before I have the honor of meeting the little fella but oh how I’m going to love this little bundle of joy! I can already picture in my mind Jake holding and rocking his son while he sings to him the song below. Congrats Erin and Jake!


Beautiful Boy by John Lennon

snips and snails or sugar and spice?

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails 
That's what little boys are made of!"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

Later today I'll get the call telling me if my first grandbaby is a boy or girl. Until then, it's a long day of sitting on pins and needles for me. Can’t wait! :)

A day in Grafton

Half-tuck and I played hooky last Friday and with it being a nice day decided to venture into Grafton. Something about the river road always makes it feel as if I’m further away from home than I really am. It’s a close getaway that doesn’t feel that close…maybe it’s the river, the bluffs, the spaciousness of it all, or maybe it’s just escaping a dirty steel mill town for a few hours. I don't know but it feels good and I’m looking forward to returning at least a few more times this year.


Friday, March 19, 2010

How do you know when it’s time?

My veterinarian and others say when it’s time I’ll know. But how will I know? This nagging thought plays through my mind more and more these days as Daisy's health steadily declines. Important decisions can be difficult to make when you see life more in black and white than shades of gray. The question of euthanizing a beloved pet is very much a gray area to me and I feel torn between wanting Daisy to live life yet not wanting her to live a life that’s becoming harder for her each day. I’ve done my research and read online the signs of when it’s time to say goodbye to your pet but it doesn’t really sink in. It feels too personal and I can’t yet see the forest through the trees. They say to look at your pet as a stranger would see them. I’ve done that and it’s upsetting when I catch a glimpse of how thin and frail my Daisy has become. They say look into her eyes. I’ve done that too and it shames me to say that deep down I can see her eyes telling me she’s done, she’s had enough. Still I wonder if I know this for certain. It’s confusing to me when Daisy's able to go outside on her own, walk to her water bowl on her own, even sometimes still get up in the bay window and watch for me to come home. It’s confusing when she won’t eat and stares miserably at the floor yet wags her tail and seems happy when I reach down to pet her. It’s confusing when I pet her and she shakes and quietly whimpers yet still has the strength to get up and follow me from room to room. I tell myself I’m not sure, even though I know Daisy is not the same. She’s not the dog I remember, the one full of vim and vigor, barking, grumbling, running, jumping, climbing the apple tree in the backyard, clamoring for attention, gobbling her food, snatching bread or whatever else she can paw off the table. She’s leaving this world and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it. The hardest part may be in knowing if I make the decision to euthanize Daisy I will be responsible for ending her life. Though I know for her sake I have to change this skewered way of thinking. I have to understand that sometimes the hardest part is doing nothing and the truly loving thing would be to help her find the tranquility she deserves. Hopefully when her time comes my sweet girl will pass peacefully in her sleep, but if that doesn't happen and I have to assist her, I will. I won't wait too long and have her look at me one day and wonder why I'm letting her suffer, wonder if I don't care enough to help her. I want her to know how much I love her and what a good and unique dog I think she is. And I want her to trust that I won’t let her down and that when I know it’s time I'll be there to see her through.

Daisy with thoughts of bread snatching on her mind (3-20-99)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

to all my fans out there... ;)

ha ha, actually I only have one No. 1 fan but for anyone else that may want to follow this blog and be notified when I've posting something new...tada! you're in luck, because I've just added "Click here to subscribe to this blog" (located on right side bar). All you have to do (I think) is click on the gray sentence, enter your email address, and then you'll be sent an email to verify subscribing to this blog. Pretty simple really.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Sat. night = good food, good music, good fun

The fun-filled night began with a scrumptious dinner at Mangia Italiano on South Grand and culminated with hearing/seeing the Deadstring Brothers at Off Broadway on Lemp (short clip below) . I was a lucky girl to experience both with two of my favorite people – Mark, and my son Jake. The Deadstring Brothers are a lively, friendly, rollicking group of guys from Detroit, MI, and London, England. I guess their music would best be described as alt-country with a kind of 70s vibe and uncanny Rolling Stones sound (mainly due to the vocals of lead singer Kurt Marschke). I first became familiar with their music while perusing one of my favorite music blogs when I came across the song “Where are all my friends? I thought to myself what a great title for a song, so I clicked, listened, and have been a fan of the Deadstring Brothers ever since. When I heard they were coming to St. Louis I was thrilled at the chance to see them live. Their show Saturday night did not disappoint. It was incredible, and after it was over I left an even bigger fan...not only because of their "keep your body moving" music but also because they couldn’t have been more friendly and down to earth. I’ve loved artists for their music before but have at times been disappointed after seeing them perform live (an egotistical Ryan Adams comes to mind) but these guys had it all going on…great music, great artists, and great friends to their fans. How refreshing and fun is that.  

My introduction to the band – "Where are all my friends?"




Live from Saturday night…it’s the Deadstring Brothers


London lads in the band – Brothers Jeff and Spencer Cullum

New BFFsdrummer Travis, bass Jeff, my son Jake

One for the scrapbookMark and lead singer Kurt Marschke

Links:
http://www.dineatmangia.com/ (unique yet affordable dining experience…includes a little store where you can buy their fresh made pasta)
http://www.offbroadwaystl.com/ (great St. Louis venue to hear regional and national live music)

L-o-l-a Lola

Emily has informed me (more than once) that when she moves out I’m going to miss her little dog Lola more than I’m going to miss her. hmmm, while sensing perhaps a bit of envy on her part, and while believing what she said is not necessarily true...I do have to admit the little ankle biter (Lola) and I have grown very close over the last two years. Though it took a while to adapt to living with a fur ball on wheels, I finally did, and now…I can’t imagine not.

Miss Lola (or as I like to call her... lolafalana, sugar britches, stinker pup, lil sh*t) has been a handful from the day she was born but just look at that deceivingly sweet little face. No matter how yippy and yappy and irritating she can be (and as she most often is)...how could one resist it? I for one could not. So yes, I am definitely going to miss my furry face friend. And no, I am not looking forward to the day I have to tell her she’s not really my dog. How could I be? I'm still working on telling myself... :*(


It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola.
(courtesy of the Kinks)






Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Changes are a-comin'

ch-ch-ch-ch changes,
turn and face the strange
ch-ch changes


Seems I've grown at ease with life as it is and even though I know life will always change...I still wish I could hang on to the parts I want to stay the same. There comes a time though when you have to...as the song says, "turn and face the strange". Emily will graduate in May, and though I'm proud and happy for her, life as I know it will change and become somewhat strange...because if Emily has her way (and I'm sure she will) she'll be moving to Texas after graduation to begin her teaching career. It won't be the first time a daughter of mine moved to Texas…my older daughter Mandy has been living there for years. Somehow that doesn't make Emily leaving easier. When she goes I’ll have to face the change of living alone in a house that's never felt like a home with just me in it. But the idea I guess is to turn and face the changes that make us feel strange, stare them down if necessary, and then move on.

Thankfully, many changes in life are welcome ones and I’m happy to have one coming up that I will embrace completely. That special change will happen when I become a grandma with the birth of my first grandbaby in August of this year. He (or she) will come into this world with not only a mom and dad that will work to be good and caring parents but also with an extended loving family on both sides. Sometimes the biggest blessings in life are unexpected. This little baby will be a blessing and a welcome change in our lives. And it is on that positive note that I will close this post. :)

Monday, March 8, 2010

5 things I'm thankful for this week

A thankful state of mind… As I grow older I realize more and more how short and precious life on this earth is. Too often I forget this simple truth and neglect to count my many blessings. The list below of 5 things I'm thankful for this week is my way of counting and remembering some of those blessings, no matter how big or small they may seem.


  1. I'm thankful for the great weekend I had and having a good job to return to today
  2. I'm thankful for the special man in my life that helped make my weekend great
  3. I'm thankful for having a nice dinner with a wonderful family Saturday night
  4. I'm thankful my dog Daisy ate like a small horse yesterday, the way she used to :)
  5. I’m thankful for enjoying a couple warm and sunny days (in March!)

too cute :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Is there any better?...

Oh how I love Neil Young's music. If I had to pick one artist that defined my angst-ridden teen years -- and beginning love and appreciation for music best -- I'd have to pick Neil. I was first introduced to his music in the 70s after I received my very first turntable. My cool sister Mel (becoming oh-so-much cooler) gave me the generous gift of ten vinyl albums for my 14th birthday. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. 10 albums! They included music from the likes of Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, T-Rex, Leon Russell, The Eagles, Poco, and more. None of the ten thrilled me more though than Neil Young's Harvest. I fell in love with it from the first listen and have probably replayed Harvest more than any other album, ever. I could play it today and still love it just as much.  That's the cool thing about Neil Young. His music doesn't age. It doesn’t grow old. Young people today still love this wild-haired old man, including my son Jake who's been a big fan for years. In 2007 I had the good fortune to finally see Neil perform live at Fox Theatre. It was something I'd dreamed of doing for a long time and an incredible experience I'll never forget.

He came dancing across the water... As far as a favorite Neil Young song, if I had to pick one of his many that stir me the most, it would probably be "Cortez the Killer" (from his 1975 album, Zuma). According to Neil he wrote the song while in high school studying the history of Hernán Cortés, a conquistador who conquered Mexico for Spain in the 1500s. Whatever the case, Cortez the Killer is emotionally gripping with amazing guitar work and lyrics. Mark put it well recently when saying about the song "Is there any better?" Of course that’s a matter of opinion but for me personally…nope, I don't think there is. For a song with no words well over 3 minutes into it, to yet inspire that question, says a lot I think. And, when at last the words begin and I hear the line “and she loves me to this day”... I think to myself what a perfect way of describing what I feel for Neil Young's music to this day.


For more Neil Young, check out my music room (right column).

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Happy Birthday mom...

Today we're celebrating mom's 74th birthday! Everyone's coming over for stuffed cabbage (thanks to Mel), mashed potatoes, corn...and of course cake and ice cream. Yum. Here's some pics of mom from yesteryears. Happy Birthday mom! We love you. :)

Friday, February 26, 2010

And now for something beautiful...



My Uncle Bob loved country music and played a wonderful steel guitar. Here’s a sweet song he wrote called “Beginning of the End”. He performed the song with his wife, my Aunt Donna Jean (playing bass and singing backup), and his band the BVD’s. Beautiful.

Bob Mathis
Dec 15, 1931
Feb 3, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Life with Daisy

I’ve had many dogs in my life but none longer than I’ve had Daisy. I was present at her birth 14 years, 3 months, and 18 days ago. Daisy was one of six pups born to Lacey, my beautiful springer spaniel. Lacey was a wonderfully sweet dog that at less than a year old became pregnant by a particularly persistent beagle in the neighborhood (Daisy’s daddy). I’d never seen him around before but for days when I’d look out my window I’d see him sitting on the curb across the street looking at our house. He was lovesick for my Lacey in the worst way. I actually felt a little sorry for him, that is, until the day he stopped sitting on the curb and walked (or more likely sprinted) across the street to my house. At the time I was living in a house without a fenced-in yard and had to watch Lacey whenever I took her outside. On this particular day after going inside for what seemed like seconds I went to the door to let Lacey in and discovered she was no longer “alone”. Needless to say once a dog gets with another dog it’s impossible to separate them (without doing bodily harm). And so began the life of Daisy (and her five siblings). My plan was to find homes for all six pups after they were weaned. No matter how much my kids begged and cajoled I was NOT going to keep a puppy. That plan changed the terrible night their mother, sweet Lacey, was killed by a speeding car, a night I’ll always remember with guilt. Home from work that evening, tired and distracted, I became frustrated when Lacey wasn’t ready to go inside with me. I should have stayed outside with her but instead I went inside, without her. I remember thinking I’d give her a minute and then call her to come in but by then it was too late. Letting her down that night is something I will always regret. Her puppies were just four weeks old and not yet weaned and I felt I’d let them down too. They needed immediate attention so for the next few weeks the kids and I pitched in with their feeding and care. All six grew up to be different and adorable in their own way. We decided to keep the black and white one that reminded us most of Lacey. And so began our life with Daisy. Out of the all the puppies, Daisy was the most active and inquisitive. She was the first to do everything…open her eyes, gobble her food, climb out of her box, etc. She showed an aggressive, headstrong nature from the beginning and soon turned into a real pistol. There was no getting anything over on Daisy; she was the boss and she knew it. Of all the puppies, her personality was probably the least like her mom. But when she looked at you with her big brown eyes, so like her mom’s, you melted. Daisy wrapped us around her little tail in no time and became a part of our family in a big way.

This past Christmas we learned that Daisy is terminally ill with cancer. It was something I never expected to hear about what I considered an invincible dog. Her illness has changed her. It’s made her sweeter, needier, and less spunky than she used to be. Her illness has also made me realize more than ever what a special animal she is and how much I’ve enjoyed her all these years. I don’t know how much time Daisy has but we’re all trying to make the best out of that time. We’re spoiling her rotten actually, no more dog food for this once insatiable chowhound…it’s Arby’s roast beef, McDonald’s hamburgers, chicken breast, or whatever else we can get her to eat these days. If any dog deserves to be spoiled right now, it’s Daisy. There are some days now I look at her and feel selfish for wanting her to fight to stay with us. I see that she’s getting tired and I know soon she’ll have to rest but it’s hard. To be honest I can’t imagine being without her. There are so many memories tangled up in this crazy little dog. She’s been there through my kid’s growing up years, my growing up years (thank you Daisy); she’s been there with us through it all. And through it all, I don’t think a dog has ever loved more than my Daisy has loved. She doesn't accept everyone (mainly family and a chosen few), but once she does, she loves them fiercely, loyally, and with her entire heart. I think it says a lot about someone (animal or human) that can love like that. She is one of a kind and no matter what this year holds I’ll always remember that and treasure her life and be happy I was one of the accepted.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Sometimes you just gotta brag...

Then and Now...my three wonderful ones
Amanda (Mandy) - I'll never forget the first time I met Mandy (7lb-9oz)...round, scrunched up red face, looking angry for being born. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I'll never forget the first time I held her. The nurse brought her to me and I sat tensed up in bed afraid I was holding her all wrong. She was wearing a tiny white t-shirt and I sat her sideways on my lap with one hand under her chest holding her up. Being a newborn she had no neck and I still see in my mind the vivid picture of her straight brown hair hanging about a quarter inch over the back of her t-shirt. I remember thinking gosh her hair is soft and this kid could really use a haircut. ha-ha. In my nineteen years, this was definitely the happiest day of my life. Now 29, a Speech Language Pathologist living in Texas, a beautiful, smart and thoughtful young woman (although a little bossy) :), and still making her mom so very proud.

Jacob (Jake) - I didn't get to see Jake (6lb-1oz), (or his twin sister Emily), when they first entered this world. But I remember when the nurse brought Jake to my room all cleaned and bundled up and I looked down at his little ET-like face it was love at first sight. He had pretty much no hair and strongly resembled ET but he was beautiful. I was so excited and pleased to meet him and also shocked since I had been told during an earlier sonogram I would be having two girls. He was my surprise boy and I couldn't have been happier to have him. Jake was a good baby from the start, loving and affectionate and only occasionally a stinker. :) Now 24, working (and doing a fine job) in industrial sales, new homeowner living in St. Louis, big dog lover like his mom, and most importantly a good person with a good heart. I'm so proud of him.

Emily - My Emily was a gorgeous baby. Being a twin she was little (5lb-7oz), my smallest baby, but wow she was pretty. She looked like a doll with her tiny button nose and thick head of black hair. When Emily was young she was my little shadow. Everywhere I'd go she'd be there. I remember almost tripping over her a few times. She had a mind of her own from the beginning and still does which caused us to butt heads more than once as she grew up but we're like peanut butter and jelly now. Right Emily? When she moved back home a couple years ago (after living a year on her own) I thought "oh boy" but it's been great and now I wish she wouldn't leave. I admire Emily for a lot of reasons, her strength, her sense of what's right, her knowing what she wants in life, many things. Now 24, graduating in May, and about to become a special education teacher, I couldn't be more proud of her.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Why Whippoorwill's Singing?

I stole it from the lyrics of Poco's oh so beautiful song Magnolia (written by JJ Cale). Actually the first two words of the first line...Whippoorwill's singing, on a soft summer breeze. It's a line that simply by hearing makes me feel peaceful inside.

A friend once told me to listen to the song, told me hearing it would be "life altering". I thought to myself at the time, hmmm yeah ok...whatever. (just kidding friend) 

I did listen and absolutely loved it. It's one of those songs that make you feel. I mean really feel deep down inside. Something about the sparse words and the way Paul Cotton sings them, the music, the beauty of Rusty Young's steel guitar, all combined and working together to pull something real and alive outside yourself. Can music be life altering? Definitely yes. Is this song to me? Oh yes.

Ok, so the birds in my header aren't whippoorwills...

They're starlings. But it's a picture I took on a recent cold winter day that I thought was kind of cool. My dear sweet dad always loved birds and looking up in the sky that day they reminded me of him. Especially so since it was a drive home from the country where he was from. It will be a year in May since my beloved dad, Jesse William, passed away. Thank God it happened in the warm month of May and not on a cold winter day. Like me, my dad was never a fan of winter. And like me, he was a bit of a loner, quiet and reserved most of the time, always watching the outside world from inside. He wasn't a perfect man, as one doesn't exist, but he was a good man and as the years went by he became an even better man. Thoughtful, kind, and with a love of animals and nature, a gentle soul that never quite got over his awe of the universe. He never quite understood the wonders in life but something tells me he understands completely now.